


you did not break me

by reinacadeea



Series: i've got an elastic heart [4]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: ATTENTION: mentions of alcohol abuse and self-harm, M/M, i recommend you read thise first, mentions characters from previous stories in the series, nothing explicit this time, sex happens
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-23
Updated: 2015-06-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 19:31:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4192185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reinacadeea/pseuds/reinacadeea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Following Aaron's departure from the village, Robert is left with the pieces of his broken heart, trying to pick his life back up. His business thrives, his family have accepted him back, but in a desperate search for fullfilment he falls into old habits.</p>
<p>or, the story that explores what victoria didn't witness in 'but you won't see me fall apart'</p>
            </blockquote>





	you did not break me

**Author's Note:**

> so, i may have said that 'elastic heart' had seen its end. 
> 
> i lied. 
> 
> please pay attention to the warnings mentioned in the tags as particular elements of the previous stories have proved triggering for some.

He breathes heavily, sucking in air in time to Robert slowly rocking into him, foreheads pressed together and legs tangling. Robert loves him best when he’s like that, spread out under him, fingers pressed into Robert’s shoulderblades and leaving marks for days. He can stare at Aaron for hours, watching his face and lips express everything he can’t say with words. He leans down and presses his lips to the shell of Aaron’s ear, meanwhile breathing in the intoxicating scent of the man he loves. 

He relishes the slide of their bodies together and hitches up Aaron’s left leg just a little to find a better angle that will bring them closer together. 

“Nnugh,” Aaron grunts out and arches his neck and Robert adjust his angle just a little to keep hitting the same spot over and over again. 

Aaron’s incredibly sexy to him and always has been. But there is something special about him when it’s just the two of them, locked away together naked and high on each other. Aaron is relaxed and never hostile and surrenders easily whenever Robert trails his eyes over his body with a smile only reserved for him. 

 

Sleeping with Leyla is nothing like that and it’s a stark reality he wakes up to every morning. She sleeps in his bed sometimes when they’re not annoyed at each other. He likes her just plenty to sleep with her, but it’s nothing but mutual satisfaction and need for close human contact. She’s certainly spicy enough to keep him interested and their business partnership working properly. There is very little love to any of it. It seems almost bland in comparison. 

He has to admit, though, that he finds her entertaining to have around. He spends four out of six days in Leeds working and with no wife to take care of Home Farm in his absence it had nearly gone into fall. Until Leyla came around and brought shiny new ideas to the front and centre, something to bring the Home Farm Estate back on the map and a wonderful place for him and Alfred Queen to take possible new business-partners out of dreary London. 

“Big day today,” she tells him when he finally emerges from the bedroom and accepts a cuppa from her. 

There has been noise outside the house since seven, cars being brought in from London and Manchester to stand exposition and tents being erected for the crowds expected to attend. Leyla has been up since before anyone else and organises everything with a dab hand and enthusiasm. 

“Hensley called,” she says and texts distractedly. “Queen’s got both wife and kids with him. Who should I boot out of the house for the night?” 

Home Farm has been bursting with people since yesterday, important friends of the business, but Alfred Queen takes precedence over any business agreement. 

“Harvey and his bit on the side,” Robert tells her, deciding quickly, and thinks of the seventy-year-old man with his young secretary that had begun to think himself too important. He may sit in Chariot Autos’ Board of Directors, but Queen and Robert are still the men holding the rains. 

“Good,” Leyla says and makes a note on her iPad, before running along, shouting over her shoulder that she’s put out some clothes for him in his master office. 

He shakes his head at her and greats some of the guests that have stayed the night, some a bit bleary-eyed after several bottles of scotch last night. Even Robert can feel it this morning. He mingles for what seems like hours, before Queen finally arrives and they have an excuse to lock themselves in his office. 

Queen looks tired and Robert knows he’s been having problems with his wife Eliza again. He can see it in the numbers of sales that doesn’t get done because Queen is distracted. 

“It might be good for us to get away from London,” Queen suggested the month before when Robert was in London to figure out which cars to exhibit. 

“Just do what it takes, yeah?” Robert told him then. “I’ll set you and the fam up in Home Farm. It’s no trouble and there will be plenty of people to take your minds off each other.”

Queen sits on the other side of Robert’s office table, hands clasped over an envelope that Robert desperately wants to get his fingers into. He’s been tracking it with his eyes ever since Queen’s secretary gave it to him and nodded at Robert, hinting that it contains something that Robert longs for. His heart is beating faster and he suddenly has to dry his hands on the trousers Leyla so carefully picked out for him. 

“You look a tad bit green in the face,” Queen comments and Robert snorts and gratefully accepts the white envelope, ripping into it with precise force. He doesn’t want the content damaged, but he hungers for it. He needs it. 

There are six pictures, each from a different location and at different times. The only thing the pictures have in common is Aaron. Robert lets his gaze hungrily absorb everything about his face, his clothes, the little smile playing on his lips… he needs all of it, every single detail that will tell him just the slightest thing. He’s kept his promise to Aaron – no contact and sending no one to track him down. Queen didn’t make the same promise and hands over pictures of Aaron every two months or so, tracking his progress through the European mainland with a plumb woman and an ugly Volkswagen that’s seen better days. Robert doesn’t understand why Aaron is travelling with Jackson’s mum, but since he’s well enough to leave the treatment facility he checked himself into, he accepts it. It’s been almost a year since Ross and Carly’s wedding and a lot has happened since, mainly the bone-deep loneliness that had settled in Robert’s heart the longer Aaron is gone. These pictures are the only thing that keeps him from leaving everything and running after Aaron, even though he knows - deep down - that it wouldn’t solve a thing and just leave Queen in a pinch he might not be able to get out off. 

“He’s gaining weight again,” Robert says and it’s just a relief to see the gaunt look on Aaron’s face being less prominent. It’s a statement not to Queen, but to himself – he’s doing what is right, leaving Aaron to figure things out. It hurts and he hates it. He doesn’t hate the fact that Aaron does look to be getting better.

Robert tears his gaze from the pictures of Aaron and gives Queen a grateful look. Aaron has always been a source of understanding between them, especially since both of them are aware that Aaron facilitated their entire operation. Had it not been for Aaron’s persistence that Robert did not go to the police, Queen would be sitting in a prison cell with Peter Murphy next door and everything they had worked hard for would not exist. Robert would certainly not have Home Farm or more money than he could ever hope to spend. As Aaron got more sick, Queen may have started to see him as a liability, but Aaron never allowed that to happen and a healthy dose of respect have been between them ever since. Queen will make sure nothing happens to Aaron and Robert would do the same for Queen’s family. 

They have a coffee in silence, watching out of the window as the fields around Home Farm are turned into their first annual car fair. The Chariot Autos’ logo is waving in the wind while workers and sponsors are working to get everything done by noon, as the fair opens. 

Someone knocks on the office door and Andy peaks his head inside with a smile. “Leyla says to tell you both we’re ready,” he says. 

Robert and Queen get up and head outside, following Andy through the stands and throngs of people already gathering even before noon. 

“This will be profitable,” Queen remarks with a gleam in his eyes, watching the people spending their money and the car salesmen from Chariot Autos working their best magic. 

Robert agrees and they part with a promise to meet each other for tea at three. He then follows Andy to where The Woolpack staff are serving beers, greeting Diane and Vic with a smile that almost reaches his eyes. He feels off-balance and the pictures are burning a hole in his inner jacket pocket. He itches to take them out and stare at the curve of Aaron’s nose and the way his hair’s grown longer in the Spanish sun. 

It hits him at strange times how much he truly misses Aaron. 

Leyla comes up behind him and he settles her under his arm and they share rapid insults while Vic rolls her eyes at them amusedly and Diane walks off scandalized. It’s easy pretending that his relationship with Leyla is anything but him hating being alone. Coming home to an empty house and no one to lie next to is a reminder of the lonely nights years ago when Aaron didn’t want anything to do with him and Chrissie shot daggers at him anytime they got near each other. He had more then, than he does now. He’s just a shell of who he used to be, a man dying inside while he tries to care about the games that has kept him entertained for years. It all feels empty now, even his own home where he lives by himself. He might have workers coming in and out of the house for various things throughout the day and Texas lying at his feet… it’s not enough. 

There are still parts of the house he doesn’t visit and a bathroom that has been permanently shut. He feels lightheaded every time he passes the door on the way to the kitchen. Leyla never asks him about it and he doesn’t forget that she saw Aaron lying dead on the floor while Robert was busy getting drunk in the upstairs office, too busy craving alcohol and trying to drown out the voices in his head saying that Aaron was heading to a new low. 

Someone is trying to catch his attention and he returns to the present, focusing on Victoria giving him a curious look. 

“What?” he snaps and instantly regrets the harsh tone of his voice. 

“Sorry,” Vic says with a hurt look. “I was just askin’ what you’re going to do about Chrissie?”

He stares at her confused and feels Leyla turning him a little, seeing his ex-wife and Alicia having a stilted and awkward conversation over by the barrels behind the bar. He extradites himself from Leyla, to which she huffs annoyed, and gives Chrissie a proper look. 

He hasn’t seen her for ages and actually revels in the fact that though things changes, he still finds her beautiful. He doesn’t even remember being in love with her anymore, but like with Katie, some things will sit in his gut forever and remind him that he tried chasing what he wanted – but he got something better instead. 

“Robert, what’s she even doing here?” Leyla asks. 

“I don’t know,” he answers truthfully and catches Chrissie’s eyes. 

She gives him a strained smile, but approaches cautiously. “Hello, Robert,” she says. 

“Chrissie,” he breathes out. “How are you?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” she says and greets Vic and Leyla pleasantly. “It’s quite an affair this fair. Is this all your doing?”

“It’s mostly Leyla, actually,” Robert tells her and Leyla looks almost surprised that he even gives her that. Credit should be placed where credit is due and Leyla really has outdone herself on this. 

“Thanks,” Leyla says with a hint of a fond smile and Robert gives her hand a squeeze without even thinking. 

“Where’s Aaron?” Chrissie asks and Robert closes his eyes. 

“Uh, we don’t talk about him,” Victoria hurriedly adds and Chrissie frowns. 

Robert sees Hensley over Chrissie shoulder, giving him a perfect excuse to leave this trainwreck of a conversation and getting on with something far more important than his ex-wife having opinions about his life. He doesn’t want to face whatever she has to say about it at all. 

“Uh, I don’t think so, Robert,” Leyla says sharply and Robert sighs. She’s got her hand on his arm, locked tight and he can feel the sharpness of her fingernails. “We’ve got people to meet and…”

“And I don’t care,” he tells her, shrugging off her hand. “Figure it out yourself.”

“You can’t talk to her like that,” Chrissie berates him, like she’s got some sort of power over him. 

“Yeah, try me,” he snipes and ignores Diane and Victoria’s sharp looks, before wandering off in the opposite direction of Hensley. Maybe he should just ignore work for an hour or two. What’s the point of being the boss if you can’t take a bit of time off. He’s deserved it and he’s the one renting out his fields and cars for extra car sales (and things). 

He’s got bodyguards following him and he barely notices them anymore, only in passing because he knows their faces. He greets the appropriate amount of people and lets the bodyguards keep the rest of them out of the way while he heads back to the main house and texts Matty to come see him in his office.

“Right posh, innit?” Matty says, chav accent and all. The young man looks completely out of his league, wearing a jean trouser and some stupid farmer shirt – him obviously trying to dress up. 

“Close the door behind you,” Robert orders and takes a seat behind his desk, pushing his and Queen’s used teacups out of the way while being slightly annoyed that no one has come to clean it away.

Matty complies and runs his hands through his light brown hair. He’s a fine sight, all lean muscles from working hours bent under the hood of a car, and Robert remembers fondly peeling off his layers and what’s hidden underneath. He’s a shag, easy and uncomplicated, usually hidden away in Leeds, far away from Robert’s family and the slight complication of Leyla who might have an opinion if she caught him with someone else than her. Matty ticks off a lot more boxes than Aaron ever did and he fits perfectly into a system that Robert can control. 

“Come on,” Robert says and pushes his office chair backwards, spreading his legs and indicating where he wants Matty. 

Matty comes willingly, falling to his knees between Robert’s legs and running his hands over Robert’s thighs – up until he reaches the belt, which he makes quick work of. He works the zipper down and reaches inside to trace the line of Robert’s dick. Robert feels every single touch, every single lick and suck, and he reaches his hand forward and places it on the back of Matty’s head, tangling his fingers in Matty’s hair. 

He feels hyperaware all the time, craving sex more than he can ever reminder needing before. He’s always wanted the intimacy of sex and a lot of it, which has only been proven through maintaining an affair while being married. But it feels like more this time, like he’s trying too hard. He tries to focus on Matty, handsome Matty, with his soft hair and talented tongue. He makes the prettiest sounds when Robert sleeps with him, pushing in and out of him from behind, so maybe he can pretend…

He grabs one of the pictures on the desk and stares at the small smile playing on Aaron’s lips.

He comes with a deep groan, slumping into the chair and breathing heavily. He traces circles into Matty’s scalp with his fingers and suddenly tightens them, pulling Matty up. 

Matty’s eyes are hooded, but he doesn’t object to being pushed against the heavy wooden table, Robert pulling his trousers and pants down. Matty leans against his shoulder and Robert pumps his hand up and down, making sure that this whole thing isn’t incredibly one-sided. Matty’s doing him a favour, coming up in the office and keeping silent about sleeping with his bosses boss’ boss. 

He slumps up against Robert quickly, sucking in breath, and Robert feels like he could go two more rounds. It doesn’t feel like enough, never enough, and he wants more. He can’t stand the feeling inside him. It doesn’t feel right that the moment he craves sex, he can’t have it with the one person that could make this feeling inside him disappear. He spent months upon months with Aaron where they didn’t have sex and for some reason he didn’t feel this insistent craving then. 

Why does it have to be linked?

He pushes Matty away and tells him to clean up, speaking in clipped sentences, avoiding Matty’s eyes. 

“Have I done something?” Matty asks.

“It’s not about you,” Robert tells him and it’s true. Matty’s convenient like Leyla’s convenient. 

“Oh,” Matty says and Robert catches the moment Matty sees the pictures of Aaron spread out on the desk. One of them is crumbled from where Robert clenched it tightly and it’s nothing but a weakness.

“Just go,” Robert says resigned. “Don’t say…”

“I won’t say anything, mate,” Matty says with a small smile. “You’re safe.”

He leaves without another word, one arm holding his shirt closed while Robert falls back into his chair. 

 

There was a time after the verdict where it felt like Aaron was sleeping all the time. When he was awake, he was drowsy and he slurred his words so everything came out a jumble. He was always thirsty, constantly running his tongue over his lips, and when Robert tried to put tea in front of him, he pushed it away, unhappy and angry. 

He grew thinner and thinner and Robert could do nothing but watch Aaron waste away while Robert worked from eight to two every day, catching Aaron’s most lucid moments between three and five where a shrink came to see him. It was a pitiful repeat every day; degrading to the person Robert knew was hidden beneath the layers of depression and self-doubt. He recognized almost nothing of the man he had first fallen in love with. Aaron was a shadow. 

When he thinks back now, he can see that exact moment he could have dropped his drinking habit before it grew into an addiction. He can suss out that the more helpless he felt regarding to Aaron, the less control he had over himself, leading to him staying away, sleeping in the other side of the house, chained by his house-arrest, but not by the vast amount of space he had bought for them. 

He’s got nothing but vastness and space now. Home Farm is usually bustling with people, cleaners and workers, but when Leyla isn’t staying over… it’s very empty. How can it feel so empty having everything? And all of this is a feeling he remembers from before when Aaron was a dirty secret that he couldn’t make sense of.  
There are five bottles of red hidden in the attic and he wants to drink all of them, a simple burning desire inside him that he battles every day. He wants to loose himself in the rush, the heady feeling of losing control, of everything slowing down and he can stare of the painting in the bedroom – the odd shapes changing while he looks on. 

There is a knock on the door and Gary sticks his head inside. “Your ex-wife wants to talk to you,” he says. 

Robert snorts and gestures for Gary to invite her inside. 

She enters with a pleasant ‘thank-you’ to Gary and stops in the doorway, the door closing behind her, and looks around. “I thought you would be hiding here,” she says and sits down on the chair that Queen occupied earlier that day.

“Some things never change,” he says and even though the room has, his habit of coming here to be undisturbed hasn’t. 

“So,” she says, dragging out the word and giving him a calculating look. “Diane says Aaron left you and you’re shacking up with Leyla now. How things change.”  
Robert refuses to take her bait and remains silent. 

“Yet, you’re still here, Lord of the Manor,” Chrissie says. “Having gotten away with Katie’s murder.”

“Is this why you are really here?” he asks her and he can see her watching the pictures on his desk. “To taunt me?”

“Alicia has told me everything,” she spits at him. “She told me all about you coming back, begging for forgiveness, like you were the one who had committed the crime and not Aaron.”

“Okay,” he says. It’s nothing he hasn’t heard before, but the lie still sticks in the eyes of the court and that is what really matters. Aaron made sure Robert would never disclose what really happened and he doesn’t intend to. They have told the truth in the best way they could, in every way that would keep Robert out of prison. It might feel sort of like a moot point now that Aaron’s left anyway, but Robert promised that he would never say it – so he won’t. “Is there a point to you coming? You don’t even live here anymore.”

“This was my home, too, you know,” Chrissie bites. “I care about what happens here.”

“Yeah, right,” Robert says. “Go and fool someone else, Chrissie. I’m not in the mood.”

“The entire estate is celebrating your wealth and popularity and you’re sat in an office sulking,” she says. “That is not the Robert I remember. Do you really miss Aaron that much?”

He doesn’t answer, looking at a point over her head. She’s right, of course, even if he won’t admit it to her. Everyone is here because of him and he’s staring at pictures of Aaron, trying to recapture half the feeling Aaron gives him. 

“He tried to kill himself, didn’t he? He tried to kill himself because of what you did,” she says. “Will you deny that?”

He clenches his jaw and feels his teeth gnashing together uncomfortably. She’s just being ignorant and he knows that it’s a common disease among a lot of people. He has to remind himself that it’s not their fault that they don’t understand. “It’s not… it’s not easy like that,” he tries to tell her, using the most inoffensive voice he can muster. “Mental illness isn’t just a reaction. It’s a state of mind that has you convinced you’re not good enough. It’s thoughts that tell you the people around you will be better off without you in their lives. It’s a disorder of the mind.”

She frowns. “Robert, why do you have pictures of Aaron on your desk?”

“Towards the end,” he says and he can hardly get the words out. “He could barely get out of bed. He didn’t eat or talk. He just lay in bed all day. He left to get better, Chrissie, and if I have to miss him every single day so he won’t kill himself again – it’s fine, you know. It’s fine with me.”

She will always be a reminder of his mistakes, of him trying to be something he is not. Chariot Autos is his life’s work, the pride of his life and the crowning jewel of everything he knew he could do. He’s proved to everyone that he didn’t just go with Lawrence White because of his beautiful daughter, but because he’s driven and ambitious. He’s worth so much more than what Chrissie tried to make him out to be. He’s not just the sum of his parts – the cheater, the ‘perfect’ husband. Them talking to each other civilly is a testament to how much he has changed. 

She watches him like a puzzle she can’t figure out, though sometimes he thinks she’s the one person who knows him best. 

“It’s not fair to Leyla that you’re stringing her along,” she tells him. “I saw that boy leave your office and no matter how big and how wide your heart is, that is uncalled for.”

“I’m not stringing anyone along,” Robert says, but he probably is. He’s opened his home to her, let her organize his life. She must think that means something.  
“You’re just waiting for Aaron to come back,” Chrissie says slowly. “Your entire life is on hold because Aaron isn’t here.”

“Stop it,” he mutters under his breath and gets up from his chair, pacing over to the window. 

“You’ve lost all feeling in your life and you’re taking it out on everyone else like a scared lonely boy who has lost his favourite plaything,” she says, voice steadily rising and she’s spitting out the words and Robert is definitely rising to the challenge. “What are you really without Aaron, Robert? What are you but scared?”

“Stop talking, Chrissie,” he says, turning around to face her. He pushes her shoulder and she stumbles backwards a bit. She looks as determined as ever though. 

“I’m not scared of a little boy,” she says with her teeth clenched together tightly. “Do you think Aaron would want this for you? You sleeping with Leyla and every other bloke that looks your way. It’s the true you when he’s not here, isn’t it? It’s you being scared and lonely and thinking sleeping with every willing person will make the hollow feeling go away.”

“Oh and why are you here? How dare you pass judgement on me, you needy hysterical bitch,” Robert bites back and they stand face-to-face like the good old days. “Your life isn’t even here anymore. No one cares about you.”

“I think it’s time someone told you some home truths,” she tells him. “I came to visit Aaron, because he’s a decent human being and, knowing you, you were due to make a mistake at some point.”

“I didn’t chase him away, Chrissie,” he shouts and all the pent up anger he’s felt for months, the last year really comes out, bursting like a volcano. He’s so angry. “He left me! He left me, me! Cain and Ross had to pull him out a bathtub downstairs because he tried to kill himself. How would he do this to me?”

She looks shocked and instinctively takes a step backwards. “Is that what really happened?” she says and her voice is weak, completely different from her earlier tone. 

“I couldn’t save him from himself,” Robert says and it’s like the air’s gone from his lungs. He leans back against his desk and lowers his head. 

The bodyguard knocks on his door and asks him if they’re all right. 

“We’re fine, Gary,” Robert says. 

“Just checking, sir,” the bodyguard says. 

 

Aaron once drove all the way to Newcastle to pick up Robert from a detention cell while Robert was busy vomming into a bucket and trying to string a sentence together. “Ron Livvy,” he told the police officer. “Call A-a-aon Livs-yyy.”

“Sir, your companions…” the officer tried to say while he looked disgusted at the figure Robert must have made. 

“I dun… t caaare,” Robert stumbled out. “Aan Livver.”

“There is an Aaron Livesy on your phone,” the officer said helpfully. 

Aaron didn’t judge or say much of anything and Robert knew he had done wrong. He went to hospital, covered under the duvet while Aaron watched him get his stomach pumped. 

“All that money, all that influence,” Aaron said later, much later. “You’re a drunk and I love you anyway.”

It’s a stable of their relationship, the many lows that kept making them stronger and more reliant on each other. They are one extreme after another and it’s utterly mind-blowing that their love hasn’t twisted into something disgusting and toxic. They trust each other completely and treasure their good times in such a special way. Robert can’t give that up, not even when Aaron’s in Spain and Robert’s sat in his manor. 

Robert can’t stand the office, not with the way Chrissie is looking at him. She’s staring at him like he’s a charity case, like he’s someone to be pitied. She follows him outside and gives Matty a disgusting look when he comes out of a loo, having washed away his intimate encounter with Robert. He blushes prettily at Robert and gives Chrissie a curious look, because it’s been so long since Robert’s marriage to Chrissie fell apart and no one of importance at Chariot Autos even know she existed as anything but an angry ex-wife. 

People keeps pulling at him; trying to talk about business; how fancy his house is and how pleasant the entire affair really is. He works on autopilots, barely noticing the words coming out of his mouth. They’re words created to keep people at arms-length, far away from what he’s feeling at the moment. When he finally reaches Leyla, he apologizes and begs her to find him a quiet spot. 

“You had your big spat then?” she asks when she’s leading him through the tents and nods towards Chrissie and Chas, who are having a serious chat. 

“I said things, she said things,” he says. “The usual.”

“You were gone long,” she says and her big brown eyes are trying to suss him out. He hates when they do that, stare into him. It’s not often she discovers anything important, but it always makes him feel wrong-footed. 

There is a large stage set up in front of a row of cars and Leyla guides them behind it and into a VIP area. A waiter comes up, hired with the help of Marlon’s contacts and ever attentive, and offers them Colas and not champagne flutes like the few other people chatting in the corners. His addiction to alcohol is common knowledge, partly because of an article he did for a local business magazine, but also because he’s had to guard himself from it. The only way to do that is to talk openly about it. 

“Can I ask you something?” Robert asks her and she looks up from her phone. 

“It’s never stopped you before,” she says with a pointed look. 

She really is quite beautiful, he catches himself thinking and stops the train of thoughts that narrows in on his wish to take her to bed. 

“Am I using you?” he says and her small smile freezes. “Why are you willing to play second fiddle to Aaron? You’ll mean nothing to me if… when he comes back.”

“If the lifestyle fits and it does, for me,” she says and she’s putting on a fake smile, fake cheer. “You’re good in bed and I can’t let that talent go to waste now Aaron’s off somewhere without you.”

“Let’s have the real reason,” Robert says sharply and cuts through her fake excuses. She does a weird thing with her eyebrows when she lies or pretends. He’s good at seeing through her lies because he’s a liar too, a good one. They’re the same person, sometimes, desperate to be loved. 

“Katie,” she says in a breath. “I wanted revenge for Katie.”

Katie’s been dead for five years and eight months and sometimes the day at Wylie’s seems like a dream, something that happened to a different person. Everything has changed and he’s ashamed with how he handled the entire mess. Maybe he thought that it being out in the open would lessen it, make it something to overcome, instead of it being a massive secret that tore both him and Aaron to shreds. Sometimes, when his mind drifts and he doddles on paper, he finds himself writing the same words down again and again.

I warned you, didn’t I?

He wanders what would have happened if the floor hadn’t broken under her. He killed her, but he didn’t really kill her. He never got the chance to see if he could. He’s had chances since then, but none of those have felt as complicated as Katie falling through that floor and snapping her neck. 

“Aaron didn’t do it,” Leyla says and her voice is strong when she looks at him. He meets her gaze, full on. She deserves that. 

“No, he didn’t,” he tells her. 

“Bit risky, saying that,” she remarks and he shrugs. 

“You know what I do for living,” he says. “You could have shopped me months ago. But you didn’t, so you must have had a change of heart.”

“That copper, Hall,” she says and their world is just the two of them. “He let me listen to Aaron’s confession. He said it was all lies, that you forcefully pushed her through the floors. It made sense then and I was angry, so I became your girlfriend, your confidante.”

She falters then and Robert uses the break in the conversation to lead her to a pair of armchairs sat facing each other. Her skin is warm and he wants to pulls her closer and listen to everything she has to say. He knew Nicholas Hall, his very old friend from school, had been talking to friends and family. He didn’t know he would orchestrate something like that. It’s fitting though, through all their feuds, how many times he’s shut down another of Hall’s attempts to shut Chariot Autos down, that Hall would do what Robert did to Queen. 

“Aaron spoke your words,” Leyla says when they’re sat facing each other. “It must have been almost word-for-word, cus it wasn’t malicious the way she died. You fought, but you didn’t mean for her to fall.”

“How do you know?”

“Because I know you now,” she says. “I know what kind of person you are.”

He doesn’t tell her there is very little chance Katie would have walked away from their confrontation unharmed. He knows that at least. If she’s decided that he’s worth being loyal to, then he won’t threaten that. 

“As for your fiddle theory,” she tells him with a tiny smile. “Maybe I’m lonely, too.”

“Yeah,” he sighs and they clink their Cola bottles together. 

 

Robert remembers a time after the verdict, when Aaron sat locked up and Robert spent nights pacing while he feared, feared the truth, the lies… everything. Their ultimate secret, the one that had tied them together, forced them to grow closer, had come to light in the worst way possible – with a personal vendetta. Nicholas Hall might have been the closest thing he ever had to a best friend, but bridges were burnt the day he chose Aaron over justice and the only thing he truly regrets is that it had to be Hall that was caught in the crossfire of their romance. Maybe they will always be destined to live in a constant state of fear; fear of Robert’s addiction, of Aaron’s depression and how much shady business actually goes on behind closed doors at Chariot Autos. 

He just really wishes Aaron would come back. 

 

End (23-6-15)

**Author's Note:**

> my gift to ya'll before i go off on vacation. 
> 
> i'm on tumblr as reinacadeea as well. say hi and please spend a moment of your time writing a comment on either platform. 
> 
> with loads of love, Sydney


End file.
